


don't you give me up (please don't give up)

by duaa



Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo 2 [25]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Asphyxiation, Being shut down, Choking, Death, Eating Disorder, Gen, Implied Character Death, Isolation, Logic | Logan Sanders Angst, Logic | Logan Sanders-centric, Projection, Self Harm, Self-Hatred, Starving, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, projection? more like i changed my name to logan lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:07:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25112095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/duaa/pseuds/duaa
Summary: Logan hates his life.It doesn't matter, though.
Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo 2 [25]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1748965
Comments: 19
Kudos: 101
Collections: Bad Things Happen Bingo





	don't you give me up (please don't give up)

"Dinner time!" 

Dinner time. Logan would say that those two words bought him the most pain, the most panic and discomfort, but he would be lying. Dinner time, in comparison, was fine. It was fine. It was 100 calories less than his lunch. It was fine. Breakfast, now that was something that filled him with shame. He liked breakfast. He really did. Bread. Toast. Condiments. Eggs. Ham. Juice. Jam. Crofters. Bread had 208 calories. 2 slices. Plain, untoasted. He toasted them. Jam was 56 calories. Milk, with coffee and sugar was around 100. Apple juice was 46 calories. His lunch usually ranged around 280-340 calories. 

"Logan," He heard footsteps pounding up the stairs and flipped the page, back to the nonsense of organic chemistry. "Logan! Dinner time!" His mom didn't bother coming inside his room. He rarely ever looked up, always listening. It didn't matter. 

It didn't matter. 

He went down for lunch. 180 calories. Good. That was good. That was fine. He'd stay under his limit today, then. His mom sips a glass of water, before smiling. Logan liked his mom when she wasn't yelling at him. And when he didn't piss her off. 

"So, how was school?" 

And the words start tumbling out of his mouth, spilling from his throat. "We had a test, but John, some guy, it doesn't matter, yeah, John tried to cheat off of -"

"Val, did you get broccoli?" 

He swallowed, eyes fixed on his plate. His parents chattered on, talking about vegetables and work and the news. Logan's dad was nice. He always thought that he would value his dad as a friend. Easy going, carefree, kind and generous. He didn't care about things. No fights, no drama. As his son, Logan thought he was the worst father ever. He didn't care about Logan. And Logan knew it. Of course, he was a 'burden'. ~~He spent 4.17 dollars and his father called him a burden. Logan was worth 4.17 dollars. No, Logan was worth less than 4.17, making him a burden at that value.~~

"Chew your food, christ." His father nags. Why bother chewing when your stomach does everything for you? Why bother chewing when it doesn't taste good? Why bother chewing when you can hope for throwing it all up later? Why bother at all? Logan scarfs the rest of his 180 calories and trudges upstairs. That story didn't really have a memorable ending anyways, John ended getting caught, but Mr. Stoakes didn't care all too much.

*

Logan stares at his screen. Virgil sent him a meme. Logan didn't understand. He texted back a couple of questions marks. Virgil was typing, three dots blinking right back at Logan.

'Sorry,' Reads the text, lowercase and meticulously checked as all of Virgil's texts are. 'Didn't mean to send it to you.'

Virgil sends him a lot of memes. He doesn't always get them. What was the last one, anyways? Logan idly scrolls, before scrolling some more, before just checking the media tab. 3 months ago. Virgil used to send him a lot of memes. 

He looks at the blinking dots again. They vanish and Logan's eyes flick up to the green dot indicating that Virgil was still online. What should he say? What could he say? There was nothing to say. Virgil always made it clear that if he didn't initiate conversations he didn't want them. He also made it clear that Logan rambling on and on was boring. He looks at the green dot again. 

What should he write back?

He settles with a simple 'oh.' - hoping that Virgil would say something. Anything. 

Then, 'what does it mean anyways?'.

The green dot disappears.

*

The fan is whirring. Logan's bed is made. He isn't going to sleep in it right now. Or ever. The lights are off. Delay everyone further. His chest heaves, and he can't stand anymore. He hates the bathroom floor, it doesn't matter if it's his bathroom or a public one. He's sprawled all over it, nonetheless. Oh well.

He wheezes again, a long, whistling sound that rattles his chest. Good, he's getting closer. He fiddles with the satin fabric, maybe he could go tighter? 

He weakly pulls on the ends of his tie, resulting in nothing other than the steady pressure. His chest hurts now, dull and throbbing. His glasses are set by the sink, so he can't tell if his vision is getting blurrier or not. It probably is. What else could a lack of oxygen lead to, better eyesight? He didn't leave a note. What would he even write? How could he even compress 6 years of self-hatred and self destruction into one letter. He had problems writing his english assignments and they were nearly 2,000 words, he knew he'd never be able to write anything. 

It didn't matter, though, at the end. It didn't matter at all. 

He blinked, leaning his head against the door. Maybe it lolled there, not a conscious choice. His eyelids were getting heavy. So, so heavy. He should close his eyes, it was better to find him like that, rather than having his eyes open. Yeah. He just couldn't, though, muscles refusing to cooperate. 

It was fine. Not a big deal anyways.

**Author's Note:**

> 11 months ago i was going to do something irreversible. i cant say that my life changed for the better or that the fact that im still here is an enjoyable one, but i know that i would've missed out on some great people and some great memories. i wouldve never started writing again and i wouldve never done bad things happen bingo. i wouldve never met the people i did and joined the servers i did. that all has made me feel like my life is worth living.
> 
> lmk if you see a typo  
> and i hope you liked it ❤️💕


End file.
